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General information pages on www.les-kaias.com
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| Quotes of the Day | Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Hob Broun
2008-10-23 12:00am
"Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else."
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
2008-10-23 12:00am
"What a blessing it would be if we could open and shut our ears as easily as we open and shut our eyes!"
Unknown
2008-10-23 12:00am
"He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch."
Jules Renard
2008-10-23 12:00am
"Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others."
King Farouk of Egypt
2008-10-22 12:00am
"The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds."
James Branch Cabell
2008-10-22 12:00am
"There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted."
James Thurber
2008-10-22 12:00am
"Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
Zsa Zsa Gabor
2008-10-22 12:00am
"I know nothing about sex because I was always married."
Galileo Galilei
2008-10-21 12:00am
"I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him."
Hansell B. Duckett
2008-10-21 12:00am
"What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to."
Quentin Crisp
2008-10-21 12:00am
"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level."
Stephen Leacock
2008-10-21 12:00am
"I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."
B. F. Skinner
2008-9-26 12:00am
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do."
Henry Kissinger
2008-9-26 12:00am
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault."
Ogden Nash
2008-9-26 12:00am
"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."
Rene Descartes
2008-9-26 12:00am
"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."
Groucho Marx
2008-9-25 12:00am
"My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one."
Dorothy Parker
2008-9-25 12:00am
"She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B."
Alan Kay
2008-9-25 12:00am
"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
Mae West
2008-9-25 12:00am
"You're never too old to become younger."
Bagdikian's Observation
2008-9-24 12:00am
"Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukulele."
Paul Valery
2008-9-24 12:00am
"A poem is never finished, only abandoned."
Rita Rudner
2008-9-24 12:00am
"When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'"
Robert Heinlein
2008-9-24 12:00am
"A motion to adjourn is always in order."
Harry S Truman
2008-9-11 12:00am
"I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell."
George Bernard Shaw
2008-9-11 12:00am
"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."
Richard Diran
2008-9-11 12:00am
"I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died."
Joan D. Vinge
2008-9-11 12:00am
"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death."
Unknown
2008-9-10 12:00am
"Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."
Sir Winston Churchill
2008-9-10 12:00am
"Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed."
Bill Vaughan
2008-9-10 12:00am
"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election."
Carrie Fisher
2008-9-10 12:00am
"You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well."
Mahatma Gandhi
2008-9-09 12:00am
"I think it would be a good idea."
George Burns
2008-9-09 12:00am
"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect."
Alan Corenk
2008-9-09 12:00am
"Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear."
Will Rogers
2008-9-09 12:00am
"I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago."
Christopher Hampton
2008-8-28 12:00am
"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs."
Daniel Webster
2008-8-28 12:00am
"The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it."
Wilson Mizner
2008-8-28 12:00am
"To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady."
Mitch Hedberg
2008-8-28 12:00am
"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly."
Thomas Sowell
2008-8-27 12:00am
"There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously."
Kevin Rose
2008-8-27 12:00am
"I don't care what it is, when it has an LCD screen, it makes it better."
Oscar Wilde
2008-8-27 12:00am
"One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason."
George C. Marshall
2008-8-27 12:00am
"If man does find the solution for world peace it will be the most revolutionary reversal of his record we have ever known."
Emily Dickinson
2008-8-26 12:00am
"They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse."
R. Stevens
2008-8-26 12:00am
"Ever heard Victoria's REAL secret? Too much support hurts."
Albert Schweitzer
2008-8-26 12:00am
"Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile."
Mark Twain
2008-8-26 12:00am
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."
Edward Teller
2008-8-21 12:00am
"Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution."
Russell Green
2008-8-21 12:00am
"The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving."
Robert Byrne
2008-8-21 12:00am
"There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on."
Michel de Montaigne
2008-8-21 12:00am
"No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately."
Woody Allen
2008-8-20 12:00am
"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"
Niels Bohr
2008-8-20 12:00am
"Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future."
Caskie Stinnett
2008-8-20 12:00am
"A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."
Margaret Mead
2008-8-20 12:00am
"Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
2008-8-19 12:00am
"There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity."
George Orwell
2008-8-19 12:00am
"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink."
Kurt Vonnegut
2008-8-19 12:00am
"Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative."
Arthur C. Clarke
2008-8-19 12:00am
"When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong."
Peter Drucker
2008-8-15 12:00am
"In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from."
Oscar Wilde
2008-8-15 12:00am
"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's."
Robert R. Coveyou
2008-8-15 12:00am
"The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance."
Evan Esar
2008-8-15 12:00am
"Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings."
Will Rogers
2008-8-14 12:00am
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else."
Richard Lewis
2008-8-14 12:00am
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back."
Don Marquis
2008-8-14 12:00am
"A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?"
George Bernard Shaw
2008-8-14 12:00am
"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation."
Laurence J. Peter
2008-8-13 12:00am
"Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor."
George Best
2008-8-13 12:00am
"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
Fyodor Dostoevsky
2008-8-13 12:00am
"Man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that great gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creature is born."
Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
2008-8-13 12:00am
"Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought."
Bill Hoest
2008-7-31 12:00am
"I just need enough to tide me over until I need more."
Dan Rather
2008-7-31 12:00am
"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic."
Dan Quayle
2008-7-31 12:00am
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
H. L. Mencken
2008-7-31 12:00am
"The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all."
Tom Stoppard
2008-7-30 12:00am
"Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art."
Orson Welles
2008-7-30 12:00am
"Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations."
Vic Gold
2008-7-30 12:00am
"The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced."
W. H. Auden
2008-7-30 12:00am
"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh."
Joan Klempner
2008-7-29 12:00am
"To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep."
Honore de Balzac
2008-7-29 12:00am
"Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other."
Mark Twain
2008-7-29 12:00am
"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."
Woody Allen
2008-7-29 12:00am
"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."
Edgar Watson Howe
2008-7-26 12:00am
"Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies."
F. Scott Fitzgerald
2008-7-26 12:00am
"In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day."
Richard Feynman
2008-7-26 12:00am
"I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there."
Terry Pratchett
2008-7-26 12:00am
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Amy Carter
2008-7-25 12:00am
"No."
Alice Thomas Ellis
2008-7-25 12:00am
"There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters."
Burt Bacharach
2008-7-25 12:00am
"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of."
Paul Valery
2008-7-25 12:00am
"That which has always been accepted by everyone, everywhere, is almost certain to be false."
Katharine Hepburn
2008-7-24 12:00am
"Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high-class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four."
Senator Dianne Feinstein
2008-7-24 12:00am
"Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it."
Robert Half
2008-7-24 12:00am
"What happens when the future has come and gone?"
Arlo Guthrie
2008-7-24 12:00am
"You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in."
Randall Jarrell
2008-7-19 12:00am
"One of the most obvious facts about grownups to a child is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child."
Bertrand Russell
2008-7-19 12:00am
"Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise."
Lily Tomlin
2008-7-19 12:00am
"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them."
Ray Bradbury
2008-7-19 12:00am
"I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane."
Ronnie Shakes
2008-7-18 12:00am
"I like life. It's something to do."
Walter Lippmann
2008-7-18 12:00am
"Where all think alike, no one thinks very much."
George Santayana
2008-7-18 12:00am
"To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood."
Juvenal
2008-7-18 12:00am
"Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, / And toss them on the wheels of Chance."
Lenny Bruce
2008-7-17 12:00am
"Communism is like one big phone company."
Robert Heinlein
2008-7-17 12:00am
"A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits."
Ambrose Bierce
2008-7-17 12:00am
"Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles."
Woodrow Wilson
2008-7-17 12:00am
"A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits."
Fran Lebowitz
2008-7-12 12:00am
"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."
Albert Einstein
2008-7-12 12:00am
"When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about."
Harry S Truman
2008-7-12 12:00am
"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it."
Ellen DeGeneres
2008-7-12 12:00am
"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'"
H. L. Mencken
2008-7-11 12:00am
"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup."
Ralph W. Sockman
2008-7-11 12:00am
"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority."
Fred Allen
2008-7-11 12:00am
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."
J. R. R. Tolkien
2008-7-11 12:00am
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
Oscar Wilde
2008-7-10 12:00am
"Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected."
Miguel de Cervantes
2008-7-10 12:00am
"Everyone is as God has made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse."
Frank Herbert
2008-7-10 12:00am
"The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand."
Rita Rudner
2008-7-10 12:00am
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times."
Arthur C. Clarke
2008-7-07 12:00am
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
Rodney Dangerfield
2008-7-07 12:00am
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Blaise Pascal
2008-7-07 12:00am
"Since we cannot know all that there is to be known about anything, we ought to know a little about everything."
Cecil Baxter
2008-7-07 12:00am
"You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty."
Terry Pratchett
2008-7-06 12:00am
"A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores."
Mae West
2008-7-06 12:00am
"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."
Charles Churchill
2008-7-06 12:00am
"A joke's a very serious thing."
Errol Flynn
2008-7-06 12:00am
"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income."
William Jennings Bryan
2008-7-05 12:00am
"No one can earn a million dollars honestly."
Evan Esar
2008-7-05 12:00am
"Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose."
Arnold Lobel
2008-7-05 12:00am
"Books to the ceiling,/ Books to the sky,/ My pile of books is a mile high./ How I love them! How I need them!/ I'll have a long beard by the time I read them."
George Santayana
2008-7-05 12:00am
"Why shouldn't things be largely absurd, futile, and transitory? They are so, and we are so, and they and we go very well together."
Lester B. Pearson
2008-6-28 12:00am
"Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects."
Herbert Hoover
2008-6-28 12:00am
"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."
Rick Cook
2008-6-28 12:00am
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
Ronald Reagan
2008-6-28 12:00am
"Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying."
H. L. Mencken
2008-6-27 12:00am
"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking."
Gracie Allen
2008-6-27 12:00am
"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half."
Oscar Wilde
2008-6-27 12:00am
"The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius."
M. C. Escher
2008-6-27 12:00am
"My work is a game, a very serious game."
Emerson Pugh
2008-6-26 12:00am
"If the human mind was simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it."
Zach Braff
2008-6-26 12:00am
"I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading."
Jim Horning
2008-6-26 12:00am
"Nothing is as simple as we hope it will be."
Galileo Galilei
2008-6-26 12:00am
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them."
Ray Bradbury
2008-6-25 12:00am
"You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
2008-6-25 12:00am
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines."
Aristotle
2008-6-25 12:00am
"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind."
Aldous Huxley
2008-6-25 12:00am
"An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex."
Tallulah Bankhead
2008-6-24 12:00am
"If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner."
John Ruskin
2008-6-24 12:00am
"Every increased possession loads us with new weariness."
Marcel Proust
2008-6-24 12:00am
"The only paradise is paradise lost."
Robert Frost
2008-6-24 12:00am
"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence."
Tom Wilson
2008-6-23 12:00am
"Honesty is the best image."
William James
2008-6-23 12:00am
"As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use."
James M. Barrie
2008-6-23 12:00am
"Life is a long lesson in humility."
Groucho Marx
2008-6-23 12:00am
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
P. J. O'Rourke
2008-6-17 12:00am
"There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause."
Charles M. Schulz
2008-6-17 12:00am
"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."
Alice Kahn
2008-6-17 12:00am
"For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three."
Unknown
2008-6-17 12:00am
"Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby."
Earl Mac Rauch
2008-6-16 12:00am
"And remember, no matter where you go, there you are."
Joe Martin
2008-6-16 12:00am
"The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little."
Ronald Reagan
2008-6-16 12:00am
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."
William Gibson
2008-6-16 12:00am
"The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet."
Robin Morgan
2008-6-15 12:00am
"Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange."
Laurence J. Peter
2008-6-15 12:00am
"Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it."
Mark Twain
2008-6-15 12:00am
"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't."
Aldous Huxley
2008-6-15 12:00am
"Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities."
Ambrose Bierce
2008-6-14 12:00am
"There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know."
Samuel Johnson
2008-6-14 12:00am
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
Margaret Mitchell
2008-6-14 12:00am
"Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was."
Robertson Davies
2008-6-14 12:00am
"Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness."
Euripides
2008-6-13 12:00am
"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish."
Robert Frost
2008-6-13 12:00am
"The best way out is always through."
Cyril Connolly
2008-6-13 12:00am
"There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say."
John W. Gardner
2008-6-13 12:00am
"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Oscar Wilde
2008-6-12 12:00am
"I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world."
Darby Conley
2008-6-12 12:00am
"Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle."
William Shakespeare
2008-6-12 12:00am
"How my achievements mock me!"
Henry David Thoreau
2008-6-12 12:00am
"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone."
Warren Buffett
2008-6-11 12:00am
"The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it."
Will Rogers
2008-6-11 12:00am
"The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them."
Anatole Broyard
2008-6-11 12:00am
"There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience."
Franklin P. Adams
2008-6-11 12:00am
"Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody."
Steven Wright
2008-6-10 12:00am
"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."
Bertrand Russell
2008-6-10 12:00am
"Science may set limits to knowledge, but should not set limits to imagination."
Anonymous
2008-6-10 12:00am
"Write a wise saying and your name will live forever."
Peter De Vries
2008-6-10 12:00am
"The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums."
Abraham Lincoln
2008-6-09 12:00am
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
James Thurber
2008-6-09 12:00am
"I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness."
Jonathan Winters
2008-6-09 12:00am
"Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others."
Martin Gardner
2008-6-09 12:00am
"There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry."
Dan Quayle
2008-6-08 12:00am
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
Fran Lebowitz
2008-6-08 12:00am
"I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not."
Alfred A. Knopf
2008-6-08 12:00am
"An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible."
Edward R. Murrow
2008-6-08 12:00am
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar."
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